TWO SIDES OF MY SCALES ..

As you already know,through my bio..I am a Entertainer. Many people reconized me through my hometown streets as the performer or girl rocker,singer.e.t.c. I get flattered in a postive way ,because even though im not famous..I always wanted to be heard or known in such a way. It was my dream you know?? But as time goes by ..Im not the same like before .what I mean is..Ive changed and yet the passion is slowing fading out and im scared ill never love the stage again. I was born on a stage.My life is a stage.Music has always been in my family and blood. I know i have to people please and I created this alter ego named "Bella". Now I know what your thinking Oh ..Twilight right? Nope..This was way back when, years in advanced when I made her UP! Bella Is latin for beautiful. We all have insecurities and you cant say your not insecure cause thats a bunch of crap.Your human unless your inhuman lol! I wouldnt believe ya for a sec!Anyway my point is the hardships i experienced made me feel ugly inside,bitter. I noticed the change in me and wanted to get out of the blackhole i was succumbed to. I had to breakthrough it or climb out somehow.Finally after the discovery of suffering depression, I realized things can be ok.Life is beautiful.I remember it vaguely,darkened thoughts that I wanted to dissapear and thats when Bella was born. The lite came through. So it was and has been. This character I pull off is too much,haha I cant keep up with her lol!! Not kidding. Reliving the life I leaded before but with a twist. Kinda like ..I got to change shit around without going back in time or timewarp and making it happen now..in the present..you get me? Pretty Intriguing huh? Yes! I too get lost with it..but now that you know life isnt always peachy in the dark or fastlane..with music..it saved me.Made me. I got to be good on stage and sometimes, hate to say, I Fake a smile once in awhile.You have to. Why would you wanna show your pain or frustration to others? Its happened to me many times in my past where I did it all the time and didnt know..and my close gal pals were annoyed with it, even my exes. Bella wasnt there yet.Time flew and im aging inside too..as soon as I left this harsh enviroment of pain,lust and all thats sad..I discovered who bella is...Not chelsea..Chelsea went through a different slate. Im not stating that im bipolar or schizopr. or split personality. Im speaking as one person.Friends call me by bella. Just so you know. I love this side of me. I love her!! Its the person I always wanted to be.I just had to find her within..cause it is who I am and whom Ive become. I may be babbling on about my thoughts but thats why im in need to blog. Let out the crazyness..so the positiveness can continue to resume in my mind when it does. Bella is beautiful..just a crazy whirlwind of a mess. Such a beauty ,the pain is disquised. Dont judge a book by its cover,they say. Its true. Dont judge me for what I am,what you knew then,or some of you that dont know me..Iam not the same..and you dont know squat. People change.My skin has thickened. I feel sorry for those who do me wrong and wish me harm. Stir frenzy and false accusations. The karma will settle in them and do her routine,as I lay back and watch. I gotta alot in my head ,even I cant figure me out at sometimes..Do any of ya feel me? Have the same thoughts about yourself..and where you are in the moment?? I fuckin do..and it sucks. I m not gonna celebrate it either haha! Who does? No pity here. These are just  thoughts.There are two sides of me...One is good yet crazy,the other is talented and bitchy ,Driven and fearless! Libra here..I guess it all just makes sense...there are Two Sides of A Scale..and thats me..whether you like it or not. Ive Excepted this..and its forever. As for the passion..Maybe thats bella being a bitch lol jk..till next time..Deep thoughts Strenghten the mind.Peace To All! xo