Captive heart -Bella
I sing I dance Ive acted on my own stage of life. I stay stagant and hope to move out of place. Maybe, I wasn't meant to shine as bright as the stars in the sky, like all the other mentors of mine do through out my slides in music. Ive helped others seek their goals and dreams and dim my light..for a change. I yearn the desire and passion to sing my soul out but she hides somewhere unknown. The love I always needed is lost forever or at least ..with my eyes I cant see it quite clear. Maybe Im blind in love ...therefore I could never be happy or complete in my fairytale. I have had many bumps in the road as far as survival and dilemmas ..some that often repeat a cycle and burn my strong hurt to the ground little by little. Friends come and go..because my lifestyle can be dark and fast and lonely but adventurous.."The gypsy way" I call it. If i wasn't here in the valley home land..or island bungalow ..I'd still leave ,like I have done before.Im not use to being grounded so long in everything .Im not use to a stable nothing but the music which haunts me. I felt trapt. Trapt in this world of night life..of music. I feel cursed every once in awhile. Im not married.Never have been. I have no kids. I dont have a regular normal job or routine. I do what I know and done it all basically. Ive come far to it many times and chose the wrong paths. Im happy with the gift I consume. Im unhappy in areas I cannot reach. I let myself drown in sorrow alone with my own inner demons no one but me can fight. I want to see light. I need more God in my life too. Im not writting for a pity party .Im writting to be normal and let out this emotions that make me human. Im not a robot. People treat me like one sometimes. I just wanted peace from my chaos.Beauty and talent means nothing when your inner world in your mind is cold and dark and lonely and lost! I cry. I have anxiety. I have other dreams. I dont know what else to say other than Ive been held captive...in my mind in the music and now..at 30 in my heart. She wants to wake from her burdens. Oh help me god..I need light.This is off the record and in my thoughts. Captive heart bella is still imprisoned ..when will she be free again?!
Sincerly,
Chelsea Xo
